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Thread: Unwanted, please comment and rate

  1. #1
    UKMusic.com Bronze Member
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    Unwanted, please comment and rate

    Personally i would kill for success
    There's nothing i want more my brain gets sore
    When i think of it all
    All i could have gotta be brave when you come up
    Weakness they can all smell it
    But got them in a fit with my verses
    Loose change just isnít enough especially not at services
    Lifeís full of rip offs RRP's surround you like hungry bees
    They can sting you die in one like one of us
    Bullet in the brain gone in one
    Even after the blood is spilled and Iíve opened the song
    Something has to have gone severely wrong
    For every year wasted another begun
    No longer will i sit around and hope
    Walking the tight rope and act like Iím a son thatís wanted left blue blunted.

  2. #2
    Truthfully, it's aight...i suppose.

    It's a bit hard to catch your flow, think you could rewrite it so that the end of each line would be the end of a bar on a beat. I have no idea where one bar ends and the other begins. Punctuation for pauses and breaks in the flow as well, if you could. Since it's text, it helps others spit it.

    Content wise - meh, could be better.

    "Life’s full of rip offs RRP's surround you like hungry bees
    They can sting you die in one like one of us" - Think you could explain that?

    "Even after the blood is spilled and I’ve opened the song
    Something has to have gone severely wrong - was like it was going somewhere...
    For every year wasted another begun" - ...but it never did

    I mean, that verse is better than some but its still severely lacking tbh.

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